One Man

That Is Why It Is The Present

Sat, 26 Feb 2011 01:19:05 -0500

Why does it still hurt sometimes? I am happy. I really am. But sometimes something will come up and it will take me to the past. It will take me to a time with a different happiness and it will hurt all over again. Sometimes I can think about the past and remember the good times and then be thankful that I had them and move on. But right now? Right now it only hurts. I know it does not hurt like it did just a few months ago but I want to go away and not come back.

That last sentence sounded childish. Maybe this pain is a good thing. Maybe it will help shape where I am going now.

All I know for sure is that I am with someone who is incredible and who is good for me. I just want to make her happy and she makes me happy.

Sometimes I wonder if I worry too little about my own happiness. Sometimes I think I sacrifice too much. But that sacrifice makes me happy. That sounds insane but giving myself up for others is an amazing thing to me and makes me feel good.

Really, I just have to go. I need to press on and go. No more doubting. I have been telling myself to go boldly and I have been doing it. Now is no time to stop. Press on. Go on. Take this as far as it will go and see where that is. And, most importantly, be happy doing it. Cause if we cannot find happiness in what we do, why are we doing it?

The past may hurt, at times, and the future may seem too far away, but, that is okay cause I live in the here and the now. And you know what? The here and the now is one of the greatest places that I have ever been.

Westboro Baptist Church

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 14:42:03 -0500

These hate mongers are in the news once again. This time it is because they are being attacked.

At first glance it looked like the so called “hacktivist” group known as Anonymous had sent them an ultimatum about their hate speech. WBC quickly came back with a response that included the claim that the Internet was invented just for the purpose for spreading their beliefs.

Anonymous quickly came back with a statement claiming that they, even though they do hate the what the WBC has to say, would not block free speech. There are facts to back this up, including the fact all security on their site was down for the 3 days following the original claim. To be fair, though, Anonymous can only be so organized by its very nature so a splinter of Anon could have acted in this case.

I recently watched an interview from a radio show that had an interview with a member of WBC and Anon. The member of Anon accused WBC of faking the original claim against them for more publicity. The WBC member, in true fashion, refused to listen and claimed that everyone was against them.

This prompted the Anon member to hack their site at that moment. The site is now down due to the amount of traffic it received after this incident.

Really, I do not support either group. WBC makes all humanity look bad, not just Christianity. They only hate and know nothing of real Love. Anonymous is a self-righteous group of people who think that by pulling off simple hacks on other people’s websites and computers that they will change the world.

In this case all that has happened, in the end, is that WBC got even more publicity. Be this something that originated from them to get that attention or an actual incident originating from Anon, all that happened was that these poor, misguided people, got even more attention for their hatred.

We just need to ignore both groups so that they will just disappear.

Here is the Video

Smart Phones

Wed, 16 Feb 2011 17:43:49 -0500

I have carried a smart phone for a while now. I started with the humble Blackjack II by Samsung running Windows Mobile 6 (and later 6.1.) Then I moved to the Aria by HTC running Android 2.1. That was very brief because less than a month into my ownership of said phone the marvelous Galaxy S, also by Samsung, got released. I, being on AT&T, received the Captivate on launch day. It was running Android 2.1 and it was amazing.

The phone did have its faults, though. The Galaxy S line in the US seemed to be a but rushed so the GPS was lacking. I found several workarounds for that and got it working. Samsung also had a lot of problems getting 2.2 out. (From what I can tell this was both due to a perfectionist nature after the GPS problems and bad deals with the Networks) I found a leaked ROM for 2.2 and now it runs great. That and a long with a little side loading* and I have a fantastic phone that does everything that I want it too.

Now that you know where I stand in the Smart Phone arena let me get to my point. The more advanced smart phones get, the less need I have for a phone. With the amount of data that I can pull without even typing a single word I never need to call someone for some kind of information. I have the Internet at my fingertips. I do not need to call to have food delivered; there is, inevitably, an app for that.

With the integration of Google’s ever expanding list of tools my phone replaces some of my laptop needs. I keep a list of recipes in my drop box and I can open them in an office suite on my phone. I can look up information for games I play. (that being both table top and computer) I have even written in this blog from it. If I get lost, no need to call for directions, there is GPS for that.

So the smarter my phone gets, the less I need a phone. Also, the smarter my phone gets, the less smart I need to be. That is almost scary, isn’t it?

Snow Brings Out The Crazy

Wed, 09 Feb 2011 15:38:25 -0500

It always amazes me. In the winter in this state, when even the slightest bit of snow is predicted, the crazies go shopping. They do not just shop, though. They want to buy everything they might need for the coming Apocalypse. I understand that people plan on being snowed in and will need food in that amount of time, but do these people not already have food?

Let me explain. I went shopping after the last storm and there were literally no eggs left to be had in the store. Milk and bread were sparse at best. The only thing that I could imagine that would cause a phenomenon like this is that these people shop for what they need on a day to day basis. I usually shop for what I need for a week to two weeks in advance. Given that we live south of the Mason-Dixon line, there is no way that I would be snowed in for that long.

So this begs the question: What do these other people do once the snow is over and they have a pile of eggs and milk and bread?

It just confuses me how worked up people get over the snow. Yes, you might be stuck inside for a few days. It is not that big of a deal. You do not need to stock up like it is the Rapture. I can guarantee that the sun will come out tomorrow and things will be okay. With or without 5 dozen eggs and 6 gallons of milk.

That Was No Speed Bump

Tue, 01 Feb 2011 20:33:15 -0500

In my last post I mentioned I was waiting for the speed bump in the road. Well, I hit it; it just turned out to be a large SUV stopped on the highway. It more than totaled the car that I had just bought.

It was an unavoidable accident. I did the best I could to not hit them but a combination of braking and turning and downshifting did nothing. When I came over the hill there was another vehicle stopped 35 feet in front of me.

I have heard many people say that accidents happen in slow motion. I am not going to call them liars, but I can guarantee that it did not happen to me. It was all over so amazingly fast. I remember thinking “This is going to suck” right before we hit.

Yeah, I said we. My girlfriend was in the car with me and she was rushed to the hospital. This was my first time in an ambulance and the entire time I was wishing I was in the back and not the front. I was so wanting to trade places with her.

She ended up being okay for the most part. She was a little cut up and bruised. Considering that it was a 65mph impact that is amazing. Even more amazing of a feat is that I am not even bruised. I am not even sore. I have no idea who I walked out of things like that. I wish she was uninjured but that is not the case. I still feel guilty even though I know that it was unavoidable.

Things get worse. When I bought this car I was told that it was still under full coverage for insurance. I was told this many times. This was not the case. It was liability. Now the insurance company is fighting me and trying there best not to pay out. My phone has been ringing off the hook (as if phones still have hooks, but the phrase still stands) and I have been going insane fighting with these people.

LET THE LEGAL BATTLES BEGIN!

Heck of a ride.

Sun, 30 Jan 2011 22:43:34 -0500

Heck of a ride.

Accelerating

Wed, 26 Jan 2011 23:25:47 -0500

That is what the world around me seems to be doing. Each day is going by faster and faster till there is little time left. The world is accelerating and taking me with it. I am not sure that I mind it either. I certainly care that life is approaching terminal velocity; it might just be a good thing. It might be a great thing.

A month ago (has it been a full month?) everything was at a standstill. Nothing was changing anymore and nothing was happening. Then all at once, as if a starting pistol had been fired, everything started into motion. I am not sure if I could stop it if I tried to at this point. You can pick your metaphor for this one. Personally, as a comic book fan, I prefer speeding bullet and locomotive. I know that is a major DC reference and I am a Marvel fan boy, but let’s just go with it.

Next on the list is to find a job. I have signed on with a hiring and temp agency so it should not be long now, even with the 15% unemployment rate. Having a job would be nice. If I had a job I think that I would, in fact, be less busy than I am now. Maybe it is the volunteering nature that I have or maybe it is the fact that I cannot stand sitting on my butt and doing nothing, but having a job just seems like it would lead to less responsibility and less things to do in the day.

It looks like things are going to be alright. I am still looking for the pot hole in the path, though. I am amazed that, at this break-neck pace, I have not found one yet.

The Flames Are Sure to Come

Wed, 19 Jan 2011 17:34:46 -0500

Things have been going so well lately. I am even on the cusp of getting a job again, there is a beautiful woman who cares about me on the way to my apartment as I type this. Hell, even my mother is engaged to a wonderful man. I would like to believe that all of this is a trend that will continue. The problem with that is the little voice inside of me that likes to remind me that all of this is only temporary.

Despite the amazing heaps and mounds of confidence I have acquired over the past decade that voice keeps finding a path back into the catacombs of my brain. I try my best to ignore it, but it always degrades into an argument with my self that, by its very nature, means that I have to lose in some form or fashion.

Don’t get me wrong, this does not mean that I am going to set out on some sort of self destructive path. I am going to do my best to stay on this upward angle. The thing about self destructive paths is that they have an uncanny resemblance to the good path, the right path. You would think that I have been on enough of them by now to be able to discern the difference, but I think that little voice that I argue with changes the game on me from time to time.

The flames are sure to come at some point. They always do. Always. Sometimes they can be extinguished before any damage is done. Other times you have to wait them out and rebuild what was turned to ashes. Sometimes, just sometimes, you have to stand back and what all that you have built burn.

Things Are Looking Good

Tue, 11 Jan 2011 16:12:00 -0500

I swore that i would make 2011 a better year than 2010. I mostly said that symbolically since I thought that it could not get any worse. Little did I know that things would turn around so quickly.

I have a new car that runs well and looks good. I am paying most of it off with a tax return and taking care of it for next to nothing.

I am signing up with a temp agency so I can have some income even if it wont be steady it will be something that puts money in my pocket.

I have also found a gorgeous woman with whom to spend my time. She is pretty, has a great sense of humor, she is very intelligent, and, well the list goes on but you get the idea. The great thing is that she loves spontaneity. This is going to be fun!

So let us look at the score bored:

[ ]Get back into School
[~]Re-join the work force (almost there)
[X]Get a Car again
[X]Find love again

Some one asked for a clean version

Wed, 05 Jan 2011 13:11:04 -0500

Some one asked for a clean version

A little geeky but I like it, what do you think?

Tue, 04 Jan 2011 23:14:46 -0500

A little geeky but I like it, what do you think?

New Years

Sun, 02 Jan 2011 19:31:00 -0500

So I decided to man up and wear a kilt out on New Year’s Eve. It was a fun experience. I got a lot of free drinks for being man enough to wear the kilt. The funny part was all the people asking if I was cold. Let me end this once and for all. Kilts. Are. Warm.

The bar we went to happened to be the one that the Mayor went to. It was an awesome night.

Happy New Year everyone.

I can only hope that this year is better than my last. Last year was the worst of my life.

Insomnia, I See You Want To Battle Again

Tue, 21 Dec 2010 04:30:38 -0500

It is time for the never ending dual. I am fighting insomnia once again. As it is 3:30 AM I think it is winning this time. But I think I shall soon have it by the short hairs. I have a trick up my sleeve…

Step One, Complete

Sun, 19 Dec 2010 19:23:31 -0500

The first step of getting my life back together has been acomplished. I once again have a car. It is actualy the same make, model, and year as my last car. This makes getting used to it rather simple.

Unfortunatly I had to use the money I was going to use to get back into school to get the car.

I sold the old car to my cousin, who is a mechanical genius, for $300. That is going towards the first payment on the car. With what is suspected to be wrong with the car it will cost quite a bit to get it running again. Even if he cannot get it running he can sell it for parts and still profit.

As for me now? On to the next steps. The steps are as follows in no particular order:

[ ]Get back into School
[ ]Re-join the work force
[X]Get a Car again
[ ]Find love again

Risky Business

Thu, 09 Dec 2010 19:26:00 -0500

So I have been sleeping semi regularly. It has been a little bit of work but I have slept 4 nights in a row (or maybe 5, I have lost count.) This has lead me to experimentation.

I bought a 2 liter of Mountain Dew today. I have not drank caffeine (other than simple teas and hot chocolates) in a long time. I stopped drinking dew around 5 P.M. and We shall see what happens from there. I also purchased milk and am having a large glass to see if that will help counter act the caffeine.

I have also set my self an early schedule tomorrow. Knowing that I have to wake up early might help.

Here’s hoping.

Just an FYI, I am half Irish.

Thu, 09 Dec 2010 11:47:23 -0500

Just an FYI, I am half Irish.

The Night After

Fri, 26 Nov 2010 23:39:42 -0500

It has been an interesting holiday. I have avoided my family on the holidays for a long time now. This year I had no way to avoid it other than skip the holidays and I am not quite cynical enough for that yet.

It was actually enjoyable.

I went to one of the smaller gatherings in my family and it was nice. I made my part of the meal and enjoyed the bit of family that was there.

Now it is the night after and my father came home from spending his holiday with my brother as usual. He was in a good mood for it. He truly enjoys it better with them.

Now I have a headache that lists among the worst that I have ever had. Even the sound of my own voice hurts. The screens around me are at the dimmest setting.

The night after, how I loathe thee.

Insomnia, Its a Heck of a Thing

Tue, 23 Nov 2010 21:07:00 -0500

Once again I went 3 days with no sleep. Nothing really prompted this, it just happened, as it usually does.

On a more up beat note I slept the last two nights. This is also unprompted. I need to isolate what those two nights had in common and see if I can replicate the situation that lead to the desired results. Even sleep is a science and needs to be tested and evaluated. (This is a go to for me when I do not understand something. FYI this does not work with women.)

Unfortunately I gave in to the lure of caffeine today. Hanging with an old friend and playing video games gave into old habits. So who knows if sleep is to come. I am home alone and have not much to do. Giving into my geeky nature and rebuilding the music library in a more organized manor is currently on the to do list. Who knows what is next? Maybe I will sneak over to the Mercruser property and take some nature photos as the sun rises. Yeah, That sounds good.

Sick

Wed, 17 Nov 2010 20:08:47 -0500

Yeah, that is about it. Sick and working on people’s computers. Yeah, I do what I do.

Veteran's Day

Thu, 11 Nov 2010 13:45:46 -0500

My father was a U.S. Navy SEAL who fought in the Vietnam war. He lost many friends during that time and gave up years of his life. When his duty was over he was ridiculed and mocked for fighting in this war. He was called things like baby killer and murderer.

Today is a day that I would like to thank him properly. I am inviting him over and making him a home made meal. Simple. This is all veterans want. A thank you and appreciation.

I know a lot of people say thank a vet on this day, but I am asking you to appreciate a vet today. They deserve. Even if you do not agree with the cause they fought for, they still fought so that you did not have to.

Happy Veteran’s day and thank you.

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